Saturday, July 05, 2008
And They're Off!!!
Tomorrow morning, Andy and I are leaving on our honeymoon to Pismo Beach. Woohooo!!! I hope you all have a great week, and I'll post some pictures when we get back. We are going to be up there for a whole week in our motorhome enjoying the dunes, laying in the sun, going to Hearst Castle, wine country, and whatever else we decide to do. Monday will entail a lot of sleeping and lounging about, I'm sure! We're both still in shock that we'll be without children for an entire WEEK! Have a great week everyone, and I'll post when we get back.
Friday, June 20, 2008
I'm melting!!!
Wow, last night's graduation was so stinking hot, it was ridiculous. I got up to take the girls to the bathroom at the beginning of the ceremony (by then we'd been sitting for two hours) and Andy tells me "Did one of the kids spill soda? Because your butt is all wet." Heh. No dear, that would be sweat. It was freaking ridiculous. By the time graduation ceremony is underway, it's quite pleasant. However, for some reason the high school is enjoying making everyone sit there for two hours before the ceremony starts. Now true, we could have shown up right at 5, but then we wouldn't have had anywhere to sit and even standing room would have been difficult. They need to accept that they've outgrown the facilities and they need to figure something else out. I was also disappointed that they had the kids enter the field from the side and to the processional from the back. Which means you didn't get to really see your kid when they entered. The Boy was in the back row, so we didn't see him until he walked up to get his diploma case. It was a long, hot evening, everyone was cranky and there was no shortage of drama unfortunately, but none of it touched The Boy (all the drama happened when he wasn't around, and it wasn't involving our family but one of his good friends). We're just glad he actually graduated!!! We checked the program for his name as soon as we got there, hoping that since he did go to Grad Night that he actually was graduating. Woohooo!
So, in attendance at graduation were: Me, Andy, our kids, Andy's parents, Andy's ex-wife, her parents, her second husband, and The Boy's best friend. The ex-wife sat by herself, and all the rest of us sat together. Andy's ex-wife's second husband (who was formerly Andy's best friend before the two ran off together) came up to Andy during the evening and apologized for everything. Weird. Oh, also sitting with us was The Boy's friend's girlfriend. Well, the friend's mom (who kicked him out of the house earlier in the year) came up to her right before graduation and started yelling at her to stay away from her son, etc., etc. All we needed was Jerry Springer, I swear. Ugh. Anyway, we wanted to do all sorts of family pictures after the ceremony, including one with EVERYBODY. As crazy as this group sounds, I have to hand it to everyone that they've always been civil, and have always gotten along for the kids' sake. We were all together at The Girl's surgery a couple of years ago also, with no arguing or anything like that. So, we thought that The Boy would really like pictures of his WHOLE family together from graduation. So, we're getting all ready to do it, when we find that his mom left right after they called his name. Nice. She had to leave, but then she came and picked up The Girl from our house a couple of hours later. Whatever.
So we talked to The Girl for a little while last night about everything that's been going on. We weren't able to get much out of her as far as how she's feeling or what she wants. We pushed her a little, but it was good because we finally started getting some responses. One of them really hurt because I think that it's directly because of me. I knew that there would be some of this, but it's really hard and it hurts a lot. I do not want to make these kids' lives harder, and in some ways I am. In other ways, it's not entirely my fault because their mom is so unstable it makes everything more difficult. Anyway, she told us that she's not happy in general. She likes being at her mom's place because she feels needed there for many weird, twisted, and wrong reasons. She says she likes it here as much as she does there, but admits that she's having a really hard time sharing her dad and hates sharing her room with my girls. The thing that sucks is that the two things she hates the most are the two things we can't change. She got very emotional and upset about the thought of living here full-time, but when she talked about getting a job for the summer, she wants to work in the desert which would mean living with her mom full-time. Wow. So, I'm bad enough to be around that she doesn't think twice about living with her mom full-time, but has a panic attack at the thought of living up here full-time? Something else she said struck me as so incredibly sad, but it's true. It breaks my heart for these kids. She doesn't know what a stable and normal household looks like. She's really never had one. The closest she ever got was when she was pretty young and her parents were together, but even that wasn't necessarily stable financially, etc. So she doesn't even really recognize that our home is stable, and her mother's isn't. Wow. So, so sad.
I feel so overwhelmed and so out of my league. I was telling Andy last night that up until recently, I always felt like I knew what to do and how to handle most parenting situations. I knew what was right, what to do in certain situations, and how things should be. I feel like I've totally lost that; I have no clue what to do. I feel like a fumbling idiot, trying to come up with the right thing to say and do, trying to balance being a parent, being a step-parent, being a friend, etc. It's harder because I'm coming into this so late in the game, so I feel even more clueless. I keep praying for wisdom, and I'm still waiting for it to come.
So, in attendance at graduation were: Me, Andy, our kids, Andy's parents, Andy's ex-wife, her parents, her second husband, and The Boy's best friend. The ex-wife sat by herself, and all the rest of us sat together. Andy's ex-wife's second husband (who was formerly Andy's best friend before the two ran off together) came up to Andy during the evening and apologized for everything. Weird. Oh, also sitting with us was The Boy's friend's girlfriend. Well, the friend's mom (who kicked him out of the house earlier in the year) came up to her right before graduation and started yelling at her to stay away from her son, etc., etc. All we needed was Jerry Springer, I swear. Ugh. Anyway, we wanted to do all sorts of family pictures after the ceremony, including one with EVERYBODY. As crazy as this group sounds, I have to hand it to everyone that they've always been civil, and have always gotten along for the kids' sake. We were all together at The Girl's surgery a couple of years ago also, with no arguing or anything like that. So, we thought that The Boy would really like pictures of his WHOLE family together from graduation. So, we're getting all ready to do it, when we find that his mom left right after they called his name. Nice. She had to leave, but then she came and picked up The Girl from our house a couple of hours later. Whatever.
So we talked to The Girl for a little while last night about everything that's been going on. We weren't able to get much out of her as far as how she's feeling or what she wants. We pushed her a little, but it was good because we finally started getting some responses. One of them really hurt because I think that it's directly because of me. I knew that there would be some of this, but it's really hard and it hurts a lot. I do not want to make these kids' lives harder, and in some ways I am. In other ways, it's not entirely my fault because their mom is so unstable it makes everything more difficult. Anyway, she told us that she's not happy in general. She likes being at her mom's place because she feels needed there for many weird, twisted, and wrong reasons. She says she likes it here as much as she does there, but admits that she's having a really hard time sharing her dad and hates sharing her room with my girls. The thing that sucks is that the two things she hates the most are the two things we can't change. She got very emotional and upset about the thought of living here full-time, but when she talked about getting a job for the summer, she wants to work in the desert which would mean living with her mom full-time. Wow. So, I'm bad enough to be around that she doesn't think twice about living with her mom full-time, but has a panic attack at the thought of living up here full-time? Something else she said struck me as so incredibly sad, but it's true. It breaks my heart for these kids. She doesn't know what a stable and normal household looks like. She's really never had one. The closest she ever got was when she was pretty young and her parents were together, but even that wasn't necessarily stable financially, etc. So she doesn't even really recognize that our home is stable, and her mother's isn't. Wow. So, so sad.
I feel so overwhelmed and so out of my league. I was telling Andy last night that up until recently, I always felt like I knew what to do and how to handle most parenting situations. I knew what was right, what to do in certain situations, and how things should be. I feel like I've totally lost that; I have no clue what to do. I feel like a fumbling idiot, trying to come up with the right thing to say and do, trying to balance being a parent, being a step-parent, being a friend, etc. It's harder because I'm coming into this so late in the game, so I feel even more clueless. I keep praying for wisdom, and I'm still waiting for it to come.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Things just keep getting more interesting...
Yesterday was Andy's birthday, and when he came home from work he told me that he had had a great day, but that he needed to talk to me in private. Hmmmm...
So he lays it on me. He got a call from his ex-mother-in-law that day because she wanted to give him the heads up about something so that the boy's graduation on Thursday doesn't become drama central and become all about his ex-wife. Turns out that Andy's ex-wife is pregnant. Um, wow. For those not up to speed, she left Andy for his best friend. She then left that guy in October and has been living with friends in the desert ever since. The kids are 16 and almost 18, and she's now pregnant with another. We're just hoping that she has a clue who the father is. The boy is not happy about this, and the girl is excited. Figure that one out. The girl who complains about my kids all the time and has been throwing the major attitude of being dethroned as the youngest and only girl of the house is excited that her mother is having a baby....um, ok.
Here's the part that really makes me mad. She told the kids (before they saw us on Sunday, mind you, so we were clueless), and swore them to secrecy. She told them they couldn't tell anyone, including us. How freaking wrong is that??? That's my pet peave with her is that she thinks nothing of putting the kids in the middle, playing their emotions to try to win them over to "her side", and does things like that which are completely inappropriate. You don't tell your kids something and then make them promise not to tell their other parent, especially something as life-changing as this.
So, Andy's trying to decide what his next move is. First of all, when we get the kids next week we're going to sit them down and talk to them and let them know that we know, so they know they don't have to hide it and they can talk to us about whatever they want to talk about. Secondly, Andy really wants to talk to them because he's afraid of their mom playing the emotion thing to try to get the kids to stay at her house more often to help her and take care of her. We've had a hard time getting through to the girl that it's not her job to take care of her mom, she's an adult. Andy's also considering pursuing full custody in court (we've been talking about this ever since October, this isn't sparked only because of the pregnancy). The boy is almost 18, so he can choose where he goes. He decided a month or two ago that he wants to live with us full-time after graduation because he wants to go to school in the area, and we have more means to help him out also. The girl however, is still covered by the 50/50 custody the court ordered. This is not going to be pretty, no matter what.
That's where we are. I'm asking for prayer, lots of it. Prayer for wisdom and guidance for me and Andy, for discernment, peace, and comfort for the kids, and just for God's hand in all of this. I don't know what the right thing to do at this point is. We're having a hard enough time wading through blending our families. To say this isn't the best timing is the understatement of the century. Thank you in advance for all your thoughts and prayers.
So he lays it on me. He got a call from his ex-mother-in-law that day because she wanted to give him the heads up about something so that the boy's graduation on Thursday doesn't become drama central and become all about his ex-wife. Turns out that Andy's ex-wife is pregnant. Um, wow. For those not up to speed, she left Andy for his best friend. She then left that guy in October and has been living with friends in the desert ever since. The kids are 16 and almost 18, and she's now pregnant with another. We're just hoping that she has a clue who the father is. The boy is not happy about this, and the girl is excited. Figure that one out. The girl who complains about my kids all the time and has been throwing the major attitude of being dethroned as the youngest and only girl of the house is excited that her mother is having a baby....um, ok.
Here's the part that really makes me mad. She told the kids (before they saw us on Sunday, mind you, so we were clueless), and swore them to secrecy. She told them they couldn't tell anyone, including us. How freaking wrong is that??? That's my pet peave with her is that she thinks nothing of putting the kids in the middle, playing their emotions to try to win them over to "her side", and does things like that which are completely inappropriate. You don't tell your kids something and then make them promise not to tell their other parent, especially something as life-changing as this.
So, Andy's trying to decide what his next move is. First of all, when we get the kids next week we're going to sit them down and talk to them and let them know that we know, so they know they don't have to hide it and they can talk to us about whatever they want to talk about. Secondly, Andy really wants to talk to them because he's afraid of their mom playing the emotion thing to try to get the kids to stay at her house more often to help her and take care of her. We've had a hard time getting through to the girl that it's not her job to take care of her mom, she's an adult. Andy's also considering pursuing full custody in court (we've been talking about this ever since October, this isn't sparked only because of the pregnancy). The boy is almost 18, so he can choose where he goes. He decided a month or two ago that he wants to live with us full-time after graduation because he wants to go to school in the area, and we have more means to help him out also. The girl however, is still covered by the 50/50 custody the court ordered. This is not going to be pretty, no matter what.
That's where we are. I'm asking for prayer, lots of it. Prayer for wisdom and guidance for me and Andy, for discernment, peace, and comfort for the kids, and just for God's hand in all of this. I don't know what the right thing to do at this point is. We're having a hard enough time wading through blending our families. To say this isn't the best timing is the understatement of the century. Thank you in advance for all your thoughts and prayers.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Some more
You knew the wedding couldn't be ALL serious, especially not with my husband, my family, and all those men running around in skirts...I decided to go through and post some of the funnier pictures from the day just because they make me laugh, and because I only posted a couple of pictures from the wedding earlier. Enjoy!
Donovan showing his true nature...
This is one of my favorite pictures of the kids. It shows their personalities, it's goofy, and cool. We all decided it looks like a music album cover. I'm thinking of submitting it to Jones soda, we'll see.
Kricki kept wanting to see leg, so there are a LOT of cheesecake shots from the day. I get a little worried with how high the men kept hiking up their kilts, but I think they're all still decent. I think. For those of you who weren't there, these are our dear friends Chad and Franky. Chad married us and is Andy's best friend, and Franky is his lovely wife who did SO much for us that day. She rocks.
Please don't ask me what I was doing in this picture. We were joking about showing our shoulders and being seductive, and umm...this is the expression I made. Wow, that's scary. Don't ask me to be seductive, because obviously I'm incapable!
Everyone kept telling Andy to lean in. So he did! This was our fabulous piper who rocked our joint.
I really didn't need to see my brothers showing leg.
Really, I didn't.
These are our custom made Converse that we wore for the wedding. I love still wearing them and proudly telling people they're my wedding shoes. Andy's looked great with his kilt!
Monday, June 09, 2008
Movin' right along...
Well, I was able to get a copy of my marriage certificate today, so then I went over to Social Security. As far as they are concerned, I have now changed my name. Woohoo! So, tomorrow is DMV. Bleah. Not looking forward to the wait, but it will be nice to have the name changed and get a new picture taken :) Then I can go about changing everything else.
I got a letter yesterday from an attorney in Denver, letting me know that my ex is filing bankruptcy and if he owes me child support to pursue it through the state. I already am, and I've been receiving it since I turned him in in November. He owes me arrears, but honestly, as long as he continues to pay me from here on out, I'm not interested in pursuing the arrears. The downside of this is that now I need to run my credit to make sure that we don't still have anything that is in our names jointly. I'd like to know ahead of time if creditors are going to be coming after me. The fun just never stops...
Sorry for my cranky post earlier, and thank you to those of you who read it and gave me sympathy, pity, or just read it. Things are better, it was just a day of frustration. I'm still adjusting to being married and having all of our kids together, and we're still getting used to each other's rules for our kids and how we've been raising them on our own. It's a lot to coordinate and adjust to for everyone. Over all, I can't complain. Things have been going really well and everyone is getting along very well, considering. I always think of how much worse it could be!!
I finished year one of BTSA on Saturday with my last EL resource day. Hallelujah! From what I hear, year two is supposed to be easier than year one. We'll see. Yesterday was church and a festival at church in the afternoon. It was really fun, and the kids had a good time, but Andy and I were stupid and decided to pretend we were teenagers again. They had a climbing wall, and we couldn't resist. Now, it's been about 9 years since I last rock-climbed. Andy's never done it, but has wanted to try. So, we decided we had to show the youngens how it was done. Heh. Hee hee...I'm sure you can all see where this is going...Kitty went up first, and scaled the thing inside of twenty seconds. Of course, that's pretty easy to do when you weigh 20 pounds (ok, 95, but still....), but we figured it couldn't be that bad. We both got about three quarters of the way up, and my arms said "NO!" I leapt for a hold and missed, did it again and made it, but that sapped all of my strength. I descended, and I was so sore and shakey when I made it back to the ground it was pathetic. Over the last nine years, that got a lot harder! Go figure. I actually feel better today than I thought I would, but it was a nice reminder of my lack of physical conditioning and how I'd like to change that.
Anyway, a good time was had by all, and we're all doing well.
I got a letter yesterday from an attorney in Denver, letting me know that my ex is filing bankruptcy and if he owes me child support to pursue it through the state. I already am, and I've been receiving it since I turned him in in November. He owes me arrears, but honestly, as long as he continues to pay me from here on out, I'm not interested in pursuing the arrears. The downside of this is that now I need to run my credit to make sure that we don't still have anything that is in our names jointly. I'd like to know ahead of time if creditors are going to be coming after me. The fun just never stops...
Sorry for my cranky post earlier, and thank you to those of you who read it and gave me sympathy, pity, or just read it. Things are better, it was just a day of frustration. I'm still adjusting to being married and having all of our kids together, and we're still getting used to each other's rules for our kids and how we've been raising them on our own. It's a lot to coordinate and adjust to for everyone. Over all, I can't complain. Things have been going really well and everyone is getting along very well, considering. I always think of how much worse it could be!!
I finished year one of BTSA on Saturday with my last EL resource day. Hallelujah! From what I hear, year two is supposed to be easier than year one. We'll see. Yesterday was church and a festival at church in the afternoon. It was really fun, and the kids had a good time, but Andy and I were stupid and decided to pretend we were teenagers again. They had a climbing wall, and we couldn't resist. Now, it's been about 9 years since I last rock-climbed. Andy's never done it, but has wanted to try. So, we decided we had to show the youngens how it was done. Heh. Hee hee...I'm sure you can all see where this is going...Kitty went up first, and scaled the thing inside of twenty seconds. Of course, that's pretty easy to do when you weigh 20 pounds (ok, 95, but still....), but we figured it couldn't be that bad. We both got about three quarters of the way up, and my arms said "NO!" I leapt for a hold and missed, did it again and made it, but that sapped all of my strength. I descended, and I was so sore and shakey when I made it back to the ground it was pathetic. Over the last nine years, that got a lot harder! Go figure. I actually feel better today than I thought I would, but it was a nice reminder of my lack of physical conditioning and how I'd like to change that.
Anyway, a good time was had by all, and we're all doing well.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Crabby
Just venting, don't mind me.
So, my night ended last night with the oldest child in the house working on the computer in our bedroom to complete a paper that was supposed to be due today. Oh, did I mention that he got the assignment last Monday, it was supposed to be due last Friday (the teacher extended the deadline to today), and he just started it last night? Yeah, I was less than amused. Then he wanted my help on it. Despite not really being in the mood, I agreed to help him because he's not graduating this month if he doesn't pass English. Then he tells me what the assignment is. Comparing the themes of two books that they've read. I haven't read EITHER ONE. At which point, I had to apologize and give him ideas of things to look at, force things out of him about the stories, and then tell him he was on his own but I'd be happy to proofread. I fell asleep in my clothes on my bed with him still working.
This morning, I woke up to the next oldest child in the house knocking on my door and telling me that both her AND her brother's alarms failed to go off this morning. On the same morning. Yeah, right. And could I please give them a ride to school? Mind you, this is ten minutes before their school starts, I was just waking up and planning on hopping in the shower. Because the Suburban isn't fixed yet (don't get me started), I can't fit all the children in one vehicle. So, I expressed my great irritation and I was pretty candid that I didn't believe their story, and I decided which kid was going to be late to school. The one with an A in first period was the winner. So, I ran the boy to school, came home, showered, dressed, dressed my kids, did hair, fed breakfast, etc., and packed the four in the car. Dropped the girl off at school (who didn't even apologize for the trouble), then BARELY made it to the younger kids' school in time. Grrrrrrr....
I had a delightful time visiting Mrs. Slater's class for the morning and getting a feel for fifth grade, as well as looking at all sorts of great ideas she showed me. Then I had to leave, pick up the youngest, run some errands, pick up the kindergartener, then went home. Relaxed for about an hour and a half, then left to go get the younger boy. Hung out for a little bit, but then came home. By that time there was a call from the video store that one of the cases I returned was missing the disc. AAAGGGHHH!!! Then my husband calls, and it turns out that he got off work an hour late. He got off at least an hour late yesterday as well, then had to go to the Verizon store because he stepped on his phone, and tonight he's helping his friend move a washer and dryer down to my grandparents' house. This little bit only irritates me a little because my parents had wanted to pick it up and do it over the weekend, but the friend said that no, he'd deliver it, it was no problem. Now all of a sudden the man has to go help and tonight is the only night he can do it. Nice. So, I'll see him maybe at 8 or 9 tonight. By that time he'll be so tired and grouchy that he'll just go straight to bed and be a pain anyway. In the meantime, I'm trying to keep up on the dishes, laundry, and still trying to unload my classroom stuff out of my trunk!
Argh. Argh argh argh. And I'm hot. And I don't feel the slightest prepared for next year, and I don't even know when my school year starts. And, and, and, blah, blah, blah.
I'm crabby.
So, my night ended last night with the oldest child in the house working on the computer in our bedroom to complete a paper that was supposed to be due today. Oh, did I mention that he got the assignment last Monday, it was supposed to be due last Friday (the teacher extended the deadline to today), and he just started it last night? Yeah, I was less than amused. Then he wanted my help on it. Despite not really being in the mood, I agreed to help him because he's not graduating this month if he doesn't pass English. Then he tells me what the assignment is. Comparing the themes of two books that they've read. I haven't read EITHER ONE. At which point, I had to apologize and give him ideas of things to look at, force things out of him about the stories, and then tell him he was on his own but I'd be happy to proofread. I fell asleep in my clothes on my bed with him still working.
This morning, I woke up to the next oldest child in the house knocking on my door and telling me that both her AND her brother's alarms failed to go off this morning. On the same morning. Yeah, right. And could I please give them a ride to school? Mind you, this is ten minutes before their school starts, I was just waking up and planning on hopping in the shower. Because the Suburban isn't fixed yet (don't get me started), I can't fit all the children in one vehicle. So, I expressed my great irritation and I was pretty candid that I didn't believe their story, and I decided which kid was going to be late to school. The one with an A in first period was the winner. So, I ran the boy to school, came home, showered, dressed, dressed my kids, did hair, fed breakfast, etc., and packed the four in the car. Dropped the girl off at school (who didn't even apologize for the trouble), then BARELY made it to the younger kids' school in time. Grrrrrrr....
I had a delightful time visiting Mrs. Slater's class for the morning and getting a feel for fifth grade, as well as looking at all sorts of great ideas she showed me. Then I had to leave, pick up the youngest, run some errands, pick up the kindergartener, then went home. Relaxed for about an hour and a half, then left to go get the younger boy. Hung out for a little bit, but then came home. By that time there was a call from the video store that one of the cases I returned was missing the disc. AAAGGGHHH!!! Then my husband calls, and it turns out that he got off work an hour late. He got off at least an hour late yesterday as well, then had to go to the Verizon store because he stepped on his phone, and tonight he's helping his friend move a washer and dryer down to my grandparents' house. This little bit only irritates me a little because my parents had wanted to pick it up and do it over the weekend, but the friend said that no, he'd deliver it, it was no problem. Now all of a sudden the man has to go help and tonight is the only night he can do it. Nice. So, I'll see him maybe at 8 or 9 tonight. By that time he'll be so tired and grouchy that he'll just go straight to bed and be a pain anyway. In the meantime, I'm trying to keep up on the dishes, laundry, and still trying to unload my classroom stuff out of my trunk!
Argh. Argh argh argh. And I'm hot. And I don't feel the slightest prepared for next year, and I don't even know when my school year starts. And, and, and, blah, blah, blah.
I'm crabby.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Made my decision
Well, after some thinking and soul searching, I came to the conclusion that I really do want to stay in the classroom next year. Today I got word that I got my first choice of position, the fifth grade at that other school. My new principal called me while I was cleaning my classroom and waiting to be checked out by my old principal, and he sounded like a really cool guy. He wants me to come down on Monday so that he can show me my new classroom and give me the school tour. By the time I got this news, I decided that I want to take it. It will cost me more money in child care and commuting than the charter school job, but I'm not in my field for the money. Being happy in my work and having more time with my family is more important to me than my income.
So, there we go! There's my update. I hope that this is God's will and not just mine, but I really feel that in the last couple of days He's changed my heart toward taking the fifth grade position. Then I got my first choice of what I wanted for next year, and the principal called me within an hour of me finding out. I think those are pretty big signs! I'm very excited about this development, I'm happy to be settled in my choice, and I'm really excited about fifth grade!!! :) Thanks for all of the thoughts and prayers.
So, there we go! There's my update. I hope that this is God's will and not just mine, but I really feel that in the last couple of days He's changed my heart toward taking the fifth grade position. Then I got my first choice of what I wanted for next year, and the principal called me within an hour of me finding out. I think those are pretty big signs! I'm very excited about this development, I'm happy to be settled in my choice, and I'm really excited about fifth grade!!! :) Thanks for all of the thoughts and prayers.
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